Entry 17: I'm annoyed. I think.

I love how every experience is a learning curve.

Okay, so I recently befriended this guy and we were just talking about uni and how much work we're burdened with when he says (and I quote): "I can't wait till I graduate and start doing productive things with my life! I feel like (insert course here) is such a waste of time."

And I got really, realllyyy annoyed.

I just DO NOT like it when people make life so dull for themselves. I feel like the whole freakin' world is just present for you to explore and experiment with, and YET you choose to just sit there, and whine about how boring your current situation your life is, I mean, COME ON. If your life is at a boring place filled with dry routines that you "have" to observe everyday, then change it. Stop whining, and stop being so cynical. Life is what you make it to be. I get annoyed whenever people complain about their lives and it's about something that you can change. Fine, you're currently struggling with this or that, I get it; how can you change that? How are you planning on changing that? And it's not like he's asking me to help him out or something, he's JUST complaining. I mean, what do you want me to do? No, no, wait; if you're "waiting" to do something productive, then will you ever be done waiting? You can never find the "right" time or the "right" place to be productive. If you want to do something, do it. If you don't know how, learn to do it. If you don't have the time, make the time.

Only boring people get bored.

But then, when I spoke to my female care-taker (Mother, I guess) about these same sentiments, she said, "Well, you've had the freedom to choose which course you want to take. What if he hasn't had the same privilege? What if he was forced to take it (by his parents)?"
It reminded me of that quote form The Great Gatsby: "Whenever you feel like criticizing any one, just remember that all the people in this world haven’t had the advantages that you’ve had."
And that just made me stop for a while there.

It's true, isn't it? I don't know why he took the course in the first place. Did he take it because he wanted to, or because people asked him to? Was it his decision, or someone else's?

I cannot judge. Sure, I have my own principles and things, but they're not the same for everyone. I can live on my own terms, definitely, but I cannot expect (nor ask) others to live up to mine.

UPDATE: He did take the course not of his own will. Also, he's passionate about music. Sorry, friend.

Entry 16: An Ode

In that moment, the world stopped and all that mattered was that you were smiling and so was I.

"The last few weeks have been more than wonderful, and the emotional roller-coaster that we both were an integral part of, was constraining and liberating. A paradox of sorts. Just like you are, to me.

You are both smart and silly, sensitive and rude, classy and cheap; you are always the right kind of person for every situation.

You always paid attention to the details, you never missed a chance to make me feel comfortable, and you always noticed when something wasn't quite right. You cared for me, and that in itself was something new.

That last day, I don't even know if it actually happened or if I dreamt it all up. It all still seems so surreal. You were exceptionally nice to me then, and I'm not sure why. You were probably just passing on a comment casually, but it was something I did need to hear, so thank you. I will never tell you how much those weeks meant, especially because you were a part of it.

That night, as I fell asleep, I was in love with you and your smell, and I was in love with your words and your music, and I was in love with the stars and everything else.

But alas, it would not last. We are too different. I would have you in a heartbeat, but I don't think you'd say the same...or even say anything close. I know my place.
But I won't forget the way you made me feel. It was everything that I've ever hoped it would be.
I felt... whole.

I don't think I've ever been in actual love, but when I do find that someone, I hope it's just as surreal.

I will always look for you when I meet somebody new."


It felt real.

Entry 15: People Come and People Go

...but some stay forever.
Even if it's not physically.

While having lunch today (and I'm not quite sure what brought it on) I was thinking about that time 8 Earth years ago, when I got my elbow sprained. I was taken to a hospital with a name I don't recall and I was waiting outside a room to get my elbow X-rayed. I'm not sure what I looked like, in terms of the emotions I might have been projecting. I was in pain, I was tired and I had been crying.

There was this lady who sat next to me, waiting to be called in to the Sports Injuries office. She started a conversation; she asked me why I was here (and I told her through my hiccups) and she told me about herself; she told me that she was new to city and that she was here for work. She told me that loved playing rugby and that while she was playing, she got herself injured pretty badly. She showed me her leg (and I gasped because it was badly bruised) and then she asked me why I was here, and how old I was. I also vaguely remember asking her how old she was, and she asked me how old I thought she might have been; I think I said, "Maybe twenties?" and she laughed. She was older (I don't remember what she said, but I do remember telling her she didn't look that old). She then told me how brave I was, right after which I was called in.

I only realized how kind she was being and how she was trying to not have me think about my elbow after I went in. Once I came out, I wanted to thank her and tell her that I'd like to be friends, and I wanted to ask her what her name was, but when I did come back, she wasn't there anymore.

Thinking back, I know it worried me that she wasn't there, and I know it gave me a sad feeling to not have been able to say goodbye properly or to not have at least followed up on her blue-yelllow-red leg injury, and I never got to thank her, and quite honestly, it still makes me sad. It haunts me sometimes.

I'm really glad she was there. I was too young to realize how kind she was being, but now that I look back, I understand. I wish that I can be that kind one day to some kid sitting alone and sad somewhere.

I don't know where she is now.
I haven't left the city. I'm still here, and I can tell you what all I've been upto in all this time. But I do want to know what happened to her. Where is she now? What did she do after she got injured? Was she able to play again? Is she married? Does she have children? Did she go back home?
She haunts me in a strange way, and I feel like I could never really repay her for how kind and sweet she was to me that dark day.

Wherever she is, and whatever she is doing, I hope she is well. I hope she remembers the sad kid in the hospital once in a while and I hope she realizes how benign she was to me.

It's really strange, because this is just one clear memory I have amongst a flurry of conflict and confusion that was the 6th grade. This is the one clear memory I have, and it always comes with a strong sense of nostalgia and affection for that lady. The whole thing must have lasted around 15 minutes but I will always carry this moment with me. I don't know what makes it so special, more special than all the other things, and so special that I always set it out from the rest. People are always so kind to another, it hurts. I wish we could see stuff like that everyday, though.

God bless you, kind lady.
And I hope your leg got better, and that you got to play loads of Rugby games afterwards.

Entry 14: The Signs of Life

"Have you ever looked up at the sky and wondered about how far away, and yet so close the stars look?

Have you ever thought about the possibility that at that very same moment, someone else, on another star altogether, might be looking at your planet, as a speck in the night sky, and wonder the same?
It's incredible. I think it's always important to remember how delicate we are and how small we are in the grand scheme of things, because it really puts everything in perspective....

All your scars are signs of life. Each time you fall, you must remember that you are alive, you are here and you are capable of so much. Every time you listen to music which makes you dance, every time you watch a movie which makes you laugh, or read a book  that makes you cry, and every time you look up to the sky, you must remember that you are alive. Every breath you take, and every heartbeat; you are alive, and the world is full of wonderful strangeness.

And all of it can come crashing down, all in the blink of an eye. An asteroid could destroy everything and everyone. What can stop it, honestly? All that protects you from here and the Great Beyond is a blanket of air. That’s it. 

It doesn’t have to be an asteroid. You could slip on a banana peel and accidentally brake your skull, it could be a car crash or a pebble falling from an aircraft (far-fetched? Maybe). You could die from a heart-attack or a heat stroke or by just standing in the sun for too long on the planet Gormundy. And all of this is just a few of the billions of ways you could possible off yourself.

I’m not trying to scare you. All I’m saying is that you are here, you are solid, you are alive… but you are fragile and weak and no matter how hard you try, you are here only for a fleeting moment of time.

So live.

Go out there, and live.

Make your fragile life count, for yourself.

This moment, and your time here, no matter how fleeting for the Universe, is your entire lifetime. Live for yourself, and don’t waste it on someone else’s terms. Stop waiting for people and things and the ‘right time.’ Because you are fragile, and you are not forever, but you are here now and that’s all that matters. The world is big, and strange, and terrible, and promising, and it's all yours."

That's an excerpt from 'Why I Like to Travel,' written by one of my favourite authors (and the person who got me started into aiming for the stars, literally) from back home, Rula Tyvahna, the Thirty-Third. Bless her.

I think it's wonderful how Earthlings share similar sources of inspiration. I think it is primarily the realization that we're not going to be here forever that really gets people going, and that really sets people into wanting to achieve greatness (because they would like to outlive everyone and everything) and also sets people into slowing down and just observing. The difference between these two people also shows that, essentially, there are two ways people can react to things. The active way, and the passive way. Both are destined for greatness, and both are destined for doom.

Filler Post: A Poem

Here's a poem till I find more anecdotes to write about/draw inspiration from. I call it, 'Worthy.' It's cliched, I guess, but I don't do poetry and it is most definitely not my thing. So please do not judge with too harsh an eye.

Worthy

We choose to cover ourselves in things

Flowers and scars and pain and paint

When time and time again

We seem to forget

A sum that is greater than all of its parts.

I have a friend who thinks she isn’t worth her mother’s love

And another friend who thinks her lover will never love her back

Why is love so glorified all the time?

It isn’t, it is not.

You are what you love, and not who loves you.

I choose to cover myself in words

And yet, I’m covered in flowers and scars and pain and paint

Just like everyone else

Till next time, sons and daughters of Earth.

Entry 13: Culture Time!

In light of the Multi-Cultural Festival at my uni that ran last week, here are some awesome cultural tid-bits about your favourite planets in your Galaxy!

First off, Planet G-67, just off the course of Solar System 11-K: The friendly way to greet someone is by insulting their clothes; the better the insult, the friendlier the greeting! The most friendliest hello is probably, "I could poop better clothes than the ones you're wearing."

Next up, Forager 2: their most celebrated form of entertainment is music--the music of hearts beating, actually. Seriously, they just sit around in a room and listen to all sorts of heart thumps; those of a young child playing, would be one of the happier forms of  'music', and the most tragic of course, is that music (or thumping) of a dying heart. Some say that the Dying Heart is both sad and happy because it indicates a life well lived.

Grix-qree, a.k.a Ronzon 34: They live on the atmospheric clouds, which incidentally, form at approximately 30 feet above ground level. They are extremely delicate, however. A fall from one of their clouds would cause immediate and a rather painful death, much like what would happen if say, someone were to suck a human into space.

You will not believe what the habitants of Rechen-776 eat: air. Or rather I should say that they don't breathe as humans (or krikets) do. They just occasionally open their mouths whenever they're hungry or in need of nutrition, and suck the air around them. They essentially, consume the air around them, and not breathe it.

Oh, and let's not forget 56 Nonel aka Jupiter (that's right, JUPITER!). The residents of Planet Jupiter (as humans call it) live underground. They take great care in ensuring that their homes and cities underground do not suffer a 'land-leak' as they call it; it lets in large amounts of the planet's natural gasses into their homes which are, ironically, toxic to them. Jupiter, after all, is just a large ball of gas; until you get to the glorious center of it.

And finally, FS Ghol'phorts: Ghol'phorts is probably my favourite planet to visit (back when I actually did travel) because it's the newest planet in the Galaxy Sector 997185-6783452 which was assigned to me. It's such a lovely place, with all the fumes and the smells and wetness. No life has started to form quite yet, but it looks extremely promising. Another 65 Julls give or take, and I think I can bear witness to the first forms of life on a new planet!

Ahh isn't life just marvelous!

Entry 12: Friendship

How do you explain friendship to someone?

What is it? Is it a mutual liking between two people which you don't really have to point out, because you just sort of know? 

Yes, wait, of course it is.

Okay, so maybe the right question would then be, what makes someone your friend.

Like, how do you know?

Would someone you decide to help find their way to a pharmacy count as your friend? You'd never see this person again, but you did play a role in their life, and even if it's a small role, it might have been an important one.

And what about those people whom you see everyday but you hardly say anything to besides a monotonous, "Hi, how are you?" to? Are they your friends? Don't you still end up playing only a teensy role in their life?

Heck, you might have paid a more important role in helping a stranger whom you'd never see again find a pharmacy, than in just saying "Hi!" to someone every single day.

So what now?

Is it when you share an experience with them?

I think it's amazing how much an experience you mutually share can shape the way you see people. The mere atmosphere in a room can set the difference in how you perceive a person, and that's both amazing and quite sad. Amazing, because of how little you really require to decide on whether you like a person and if the person likes you back, and also sad because of how little you need to decide that you don't like a person.

I'm a little weird in that sense. If I see someone doing something I don't personally approve of, I try not to judge them based on that event; because of two important things. One, you CANNOT and will not EVER be able to judge an entire person, an entire human being, with their own little passions and faults and happiness and mistakes, based on one single action which they might never repeat again. And two, you don't know what made the person do that action that you so highly disapprove of. As the saying goes, "You do not know a man till you've walked a mile in his shoes." So who am I to judge?

However, if I find that you like something that I'm passionate about (like books, and the same kind of music, shows for example), I wouldn't even think twice about anything else; I will instantly let you into my life and share as much of it with you as I possibly can, simply because you find the same things interesting as I do.

It's not really that weird, I guess. I'm just trying to be fair, honestly.

And take that wondrous bond that you seem to share with total and complete strangers in extreme situations--may that experience be highly positive or highly negative--we all instantly become connected to each other somehow.

Take concerts, for example. You're in a room/open-to-sky arena, with hundreds of people and you're all here for the same thing; to watch your favourite artists perform. You don't even have to know the name of the person, or people, who're standing around you to have a good time; we all sway to the music, sing the songs out loud and share endless smiles and you never want this moment which you share with people you've never met, to ever end, and for a second you feel like it really never would, and everything's great and everyone's amazing, and every single soul in that place is your friend.

And that, is just amazing.

If you don't find that beautiful, that we're willing to set all our differences aside for a moment and just take time out to have a good time, then I don't know what to say.

I'm sure there's a meaning that's very deep behind how and why people feel such an instant bond with complete strangers, but I don't know what that is, and I think that's a matter of, 'to each his own.'

And maybe you can't explain what it is.

And maybe that's what friendship means.

NOTE: People might say that this is because music doesn't care about who you are or where you're from, and that it's music that brings us together; which I agree 100% with, but also, it's not just music that can bring about such emotions.

A roller-coaster ride can.

And so can a terrorist attack.